Zanskar Hostel ,IIT Delhi
“Birthdays during exams suck!” . I was in a miserable condition, was about to flunk in the AML120 Major exam which was supposed to happen the same day at 10:00 a.m.
“I’ll definitely get the god damn fakka in this course, wasted 20 min! what the fuck!”
“And S.K.G (the professor) doesn’t grade above 8 to the Civil Candidates.” Vaxy muttering in his own tone, trying to show that he’ll be unable to get above 8 while I was struggling to pass, i.e. , 4 out of 10. Students like me always knew the importance of the boundary between 4 and the fail grade.
I had just come to my room after celebrating our hero, Keshav’s birthday.
Vaxy, Vaibhav Gupta, dearest friend of mine, was very helpful (especially during exams) and was nick named after our senior Vaibhav Gupta’s nick name. He was all time with me, so much so that the people started taking out false impressions about our relationship.
I sat unusually on the chair and opened the book to look through what all chapters I have to do while Vaxy, already sitting on my bed, was reading the already read stuff. His forefinger lied on the mole that dwelled just below his right ear. We called the mole as his battery-charging-point as he generally used to do that while on a deep thought or trying to solve a conceptual question.
“Vaxy..listen..Vaaaaxyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.”
“hmmm.”
“What all chapters are important? I don’t have the fucking time to do all this cramming stuff even if I put on coffee innumerable times during the night.”
“This one is important and this one SKG skipped in the class…” Likewise he asked me to read 11 out of 13 chapters.
I decided to study the whole night putting in my ass into it.
“Hi guys..easy no? Just a read through and you get all the stuff automatically. I am getting a feel of Civil Engineering.” Another good friend of mine as usual expressing his love to Civil Engineering and how right he was to decide to take up this branch (although it was the best he could get with an All India Rank of 1898. Presenting our blabbermouthed person, Mr. Sushant Maheshwari, a slim Rajasthan fan. Being wise at heart he didn’t usually come to know when people want him to stop tattling. I never wanted him around me during exams time because of his habit of telling that he is well-nigh over with the course 2nd time and that completing the course was a 2 hours job.
When none of us responded, he continued the attempt to make us jealous, “You know in the evening I watched If Only. Nice movie I must say. Just a chapter left; guess I’ll do it in the morning.”
“Yea, very easy. I am over with 11 chapters. I guess I’ll do the remaining 2 in the night. No one knows what happens in the morning.” I was just trying to backfire his comments on him!
“You must be knowing that the answers given in the 9th chapter are wrong? Prof. Rajendra Prasad told us.” Vaxy supporting my cause by deceiving him.
“I didn’t do that that chapter. Chill guys will see to it tomorrow.Bye.” We both knew he’ll hastily go back to his room and open the book to review the questions.
After some time we heard several voices which told us some persons are nearing us.
“hahahhaa.”
“well said..hahaha.”
I knew the 3 disturbing elements are coming, “Shit!”
“Hey maggu..what u doin?” Asked Akshay, haggi- his nick name, a smart astute guy for whom friendship meant a lot. He was nicknamed for his wonderful quality of cracking vegetarian jokes, hagga.
“Eyes in your room? I am playing cricket!” We admitted Vaxy was in learning stage of cracking hagga.
“Appu! You studying?” A serious and soft voice came from behind Akshay.Emerging out the tallest and the most decent guy of our group named Harsh. Unlike Akshay, his roommate was a cleanliness lover. We could bet on his room to be cleaner than an average girl’s room.
“Trying to..” Peeved with these people, I wanted them to let me study.
“Seems as if my roomy will crack the morning exam..keep it up man!” Now this was addressed by my roommate. Sudama (Ashish Singh), a computer science fellow, was the most popular and liked-by-all resident of the hostel. As the whole group goes, he also had the wonderful quality of cracking jokes but his jokes contained standards which defined him.
“Shut up! another fakka in the lisss…”
I was stopped by a guy who resembled a 1970’s hero, Mohit Khatri, having a wide moustache with free irregular beard. “Listen guys, there’s some interesting stuff going on. We’ve planned up a prank to be played on Keshav on his birthday.”
“Very well, we’ll do it after the exam” Vaxy said sarcastically.
“Noooo..just now.. listen, there’s a girl called Nikita.”
“Gurlllll??” Screamed all. Everyone charged up now as the discussion got more meaning than studies. A girl related to Keshav! That could be another hagga.
“Yeah, I mean just an acquaintance to Keshav. And you know what...” He said laughing, “he found her in his boys-school’s orkut community. Probably the first girl in his life.This is gonna be real fun guys.”
“ok..so what do we do?” Others nodded as I said.
“My my! The creator of the whole plan is here and u r asking me??” Khatri just realised Harsh’s existence inside the room.
“Ok, let me frame it from the starting” Harsh said, “It started from CSC (IIT's computer lab). Keshav and myself were sitting side-by-side doing our general stuff just when I saw 20 scraps on the first page by an orkut member named ‘Nikita the sexy female’. I intentionally teased him and asked what the scene was.”
Story had to get an interesting turn as a girl names herself “sexy female” only when she realizes nobody, to be precise no guy, is paying heed to her or after seeing her photo turns a back at her. Or such wanton profiles generally meant that the profile owner was a guy. But our hero, Keshav was a simple down-to-earth guy!
“Keshav told me that he found Nikita in his school’s orkut community. A true despo (a term in IIT used for a desperate guy/girl for the opposite sex) I must say! How can you talk to a girl who doesn’t even know which community she is joining?”
Meanwhile Harsh took a seat besides Vaxy. Khatri had sat on the table and the rest of the two brought 2 chairs from my roomie’s side and comforted their asses as we had all the time of the world to prepare for the day’s exam.
“True, but he’s a sober guy you see.” Myself buttering the hypothetical Keshav present in the room.
Akshay adding, “I bet he’d be the most aroused person in the world when he saw her first scrap.”
"True, I could see those shiny eyes !" Harsh failed an effort to restrain himself from cracking the non-vegetarian hagga.
All had a laughter time altogether burying the fact that we should be studying. The clock showed 01:55 a.m.
“What next?” Vaxy said out of curiosity
“I recognized him on the first day, Vaxy is an ass-hole, doesn’t show up though” Sudama and Vaxy always tried to bully each other. Vaxy smiled as Sudama enounced “ass-hole”
We continued our useless talks. This is what happens at our place, you sit down to discuss something and you end up wasting hours blanking out the original topic entirely.
"ummm..Harsh…carry on please" Finally I had realised it was me who’s going to fail. Harsh and Akshay being in Engineering Physics had a cake walk in the morning. Sudama was a stud, I knew, he’d manage it somehow. Vaxy was already revising the syllabus.
“Then started the practical part..."
"Stop being too deadening" I insisted him to make it fast as the curiosity out of me was reaching the Mt. Everest
"There's always a definite method to tell a story, you don't know" I agreed with Harsh, after all he was the guile in our group.
TO BE CONT...1
"Don't challenge Harsh, he has his novel coming up." Akshay added, he never missed an opportunity to shoot! He was infact right, Harsh was in those days mustering up his thoughts to ramp up enough to be called as a writer.I used to pester him on the fact that he was inches away from being called as future Chetan Bhagat.
"An all-rounder, bass guitar is his speciality" Harsh eyed Sudama in a flash, "Speciality I mean. " Bowing to Harsh, he added, "Though he knows lead guitar too very well, not to forget the keyboard." There was a competition between Harsh and Abhinav for who plays lead guitar for the hostel team in music contests. Harsh rarely got a chance to sing or play lead guitar, instead played keyboard or bass guitar.Nevertheless he enjoyed his music. Sudama continuing, "And he is the guy who comes in haggi's dreams." I told you Sudama owns up his own banner.
"Why not! Doesn't let me sleep at nights." Akshay flirted sarcastically, "I better change my roommate or else he and his guitar will draw me mad!" Everyone laughed out loud.
Harsh had no clue, rather embarrassed, sought to continue the plan of playing up the prank on Keshav. "Ahem! Let me get back to the story." The clock had ticked down to 2:20 a.m. "Heading on to the this night at around 11, myself and Rajesh messaged him from Rajesh's cell 'Hi Keshav, hw r u? gt ur no. from ur orkut profile..lukin handsum in da pic :) tk cre' "
"And he agreed that it was real Nikita ?!" It was an answer cum question by me.Holding on my breath I waited for his answer, others did the same.
"Yup! I intentionally visited his room in a casual style, where the things automatically happened." Harsh, his chest swelled up, narrating the story drew the whole credit to himself, "He pulled me by my collar and dragged me inside his room and locked the door's bolt.For a moment I thought I'm being raped!"
This was the moment when we got the assurance that the story would go a long long way as it attracted interest of all.Meanwhile I threw my book onto the table top.I knew Vaxy took an equal interest but his image didn't allow. Hence, I did it for him.I hastily closed his book, snatched it from him and dumped it somewhere he couldn't find.
"And then out of extreme excitment, just like girls do, he told me that he's got the first message from the same aquaintance whose scraps I saw in CSC. He was extremely excited at it."
It followed a huge laughter in the room which did not stop until 2 minutes listening to which some more people followed up in my room including Rajesh, a tall and fair Chemical Engineering guy with dynamic and sedate personality.
"At once I thought it'd be unwise to play with his emotions(Harsh was an emotions bound guy!). But then, I decided to give it a shot, atleast for some time."
TO BE CONTD...2
"Awww..Harsh got senti senti.." Again, a laughter followed my sentence.Harsh got more embarrassed but continued to prove himself right, "C'mon yaar! Of course he would get hurt, infact anyone would get hurt after he faces what we plan to do."
"What plan?"Vaxy excercised his vocal chords while his battery was being charged by the forefinger on the mole.
"We've planned to continue this drama of the fake Nikita by calling him up on behalf of Nikita!" Harsh mystifying the thing even further.The plan had proved to be much more prospicient than it was feigned.
"You think Keshav will hear a man's voice and say 'Hi Nikita..missed u sooo much darling' " Sudama tried to be humorous.
"Suddu, who'll add I love you ?" Akshay provoked wittiness even further.
"Yeah! And Nikita will reply 'I love you 2 Keshoo!' " Sudama agreed.
"1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13...." Vaxy began to sing(Madhuri's song), "13 karo..gin gin gin k..intezaar...aaja piyaa aayi bahaar."
Everyone stopped laughing and concentrated seriously towards Vaxy and listened to his song which was as if Harsh had sucked out all the music from him.The equation goes like this => Harsh+Vaxy=2 multiplied by a normal person.He stopped and smiled.
"Vaxy beta, why don't you do some net practice before declaring to the public that you can be humorous at times ?" I said breaking the silence.
"Ha Ha Ha .Good one Vaxy!" Said Khatri and then everyone loosened up their so far restrained laughter.
"Of course not a man's voice! One of us have to mimic a girl's voice. He doesn't talk much to girls and hence he probably doesn't know how a girl's voice sounds on phone. I reckon he won't catch the nakli Nikita." Harsh arresting the original point.
"But we have to be extra cautious and do our best, whatever comes we are gonna have fun!" Added Khatri
"Yeah.. We shared a couple more messages with Keshav on behalf of Nikita wishing him for his birthday." Rajesh completed the information.
"Only a couple of messages?"
"Yes.When me and Harsh didn't find enough to talk we messaged him 'I'm busy. Sooo sorry.Please don't mind.Catch you after an hour.Byeeeeeeeeeee :-) ' And then we relaxed."
"Keshav is so excited about it.I visited him again.He has told me everything which ironically I knew beforehand! We can make a lot of good stuff if we execute it properly." Harsh informed.
"So who should mimic as Nikita?" Abhinav spoke from the back.Abhinav, a cool Bio-technical Engineer, plays guitar very well and high pitch singing is his forte.One would always find his hair style different, both on the face as well as head.In those days he had long hair just like Dhoni and a French cut just like...a French guy, who else?
TO BE CONTD........3
"APOOOORV" Shouted Harsh in a flash.I felt as if someone struck hard on my head.Where did the word 'Apoorv' come from?I was waiting for them to finish up the story and go back to their rooms so that I may study.But, you don't know whats going to follow you the next second!
On the other hand the clock which was kept on the table and had the word "Quartz" engraved on it was playing a typical Sehwag innings that night.I wondered why did it become Dravid during lectures and Sehwag in examination days.At the moment it showed 3:05:47 a.m. Every second took away a couple of my heartbeats.
"What???" Could I say anything else?
"Yesss.My roomie is a stud, you'll rock man!" I hated Sudama for that.
"Are you mad?"
"Appu is the best choice. He has done it in the past. I've seen his mimicking talents.C'mon Appu you can do it." Akshay favoured the rest with a laughter.
"But..." I wanted to say that I had to study.You can't say that! Its not allowed in IIT! Especially when 10 odd friends are standing in front of you.For the next one year I will have this 'maggu' word popping in my ears at any time of the day or the night.
"Ok, lets do it." Did I become a hero? Probably they would fancy their hero to get a fakka too in the day's exam.
"My room.From there we can see through Keshav's room." Khatri invited all to his room.We were in 3rd floor while Keshav's room was in 2nd.We could see him from our window, for that to happen Khatri's room was best suited.Everyone followed Khatri except me and Harsh.
We then visited to Keshav intentinally but casually.
Room Number: NC-13
"Hey! Whats up?" Myself starting the conversation while Harsh was so bad an actor, he couldn't quite suppress his laughter and left the room saying, " I'll be back from loo in a while."
"Studying.What else in exam time?" Said Keshav pretending his happiness to himself.
Harsh was back in a minute.Such a looser, who completes the task of going, looing and coming back in 1 minute? Keshav started doubting.
I tried to break into his thoughts so that he could think no futher about Harsh and his stupidity, "Hey, just a favour. You said you have 1000 minutes free Realiance to Reliance?"
"Umm..yes.why?" I was successful in diverting his attention.
"Please give me." We had planned it earlier. Nikita(the real one as she had promised) was about to call him. We wanted to make some more fun.
"Now?Its 3:30 !"Searching for excuses Keshav was now trapped. Now he lost the opportunity to tell me about Nikita as he took it as too sensitive a case.He would have the news spread to the whole hostel which he didn't want.
"Yes.I told you about Arushi. I was talking to her after so many days but the balance came down to zero. Then I realised you have free Reliance.I promised her I'd call her back in 5 min." I was enjoying so much.Harsh again didn't quite manage to hold on his laughter andddddd RELEASED!Stupid he!
"Harsh, you are still laughing at Akshay's joke?" I tried to help him.
"Ha Ha Ha.Yeah, it was awesome man!" Harsh thanked me through his eyes.
"What was awesome?Tell me" Kehav tried to distract me for what I came down to his room (his cell) while I wanted to distract him back from Harsh's laughter.Things got confusing.
I continued pretending to solve the confusing things, "Look you give me your cell and then take away Harsh."
"Noo..I can't give" Keshav pulling his cell phone back.
I pretended to be shocked as if I was insulted, "Why? Yesterday you said your free minutes are going to expire within a week and you don't have any Realiance friend.No girl friend either.Then whats stopping you?"
"Don't ask.Why don't you study?", Keshav giving every silly excuse and suggestion which struck to his reflexes.
"Ok.Fine." I muttered the usual phrase, "Yehi thi teri dosti yehi tha tera pyaar..beech mein aa gayi..." I desperately wanted to continue as 'Nikita ki deewar' but didn't and left the room.
TO BE CONTINUED...4
Room Number: ND-22
We headed back to Khatri's room where people had already made the arrangements. We persuaded Rajesh to use his cell phone as that was the fake Nikita's number. It contained the call recording system, not all had that system in the cell phones.Pushpak's cell, N-95, proved to be lucrative.It facilitated us to have a video recording of the event.
"Ha Ha Ha.", Harsh was very much amused, "Keshav is desperately waiting for Nikita's call..ooops! Apoorv's call! "
"So lets begin?Apoorv come here", Khatri called me near the table and asked me to sit at an elevated platform so that everybody can enjoy.
"But..what will I talk?"
"As if we have done a P.H.D. !", said Akshay sardonically.
"Don't worry Appu you will at least speak better than us.",Pratyush boosting my morale up.
Pratyush was a slim (slimmer than Sushant!),tall guy having hair similar to his intestines; you never know how long they are by seeing their curves.Had a high frequency voice, did whatever he could to avoid Birthday-bumps.But an intelligent and humorous IITian.
"And whatever comes, we have already pulled Keshav's legs enough to have a laughter in the future.So whatever you do that will be a bonus.Chill, do your best!", Harsh supporting Pratyush.
"Hmmm..Ok..but you're not gonna blame me in case I screw it up all. After all we are not sure whether Keshav will be fooled by a girl's fake voice.And do keep giving me ideas in the midst; I will put the phone on speaker so that you may hear the conversation at the same time.Rajesh will put the call recording on for me.Right Rajesh?", to be true I was very nervous.So many people had their expectations on me that I will show them some interestng stuff.
"Right"
Rajesh dialled the number, 9-3-1-0-7-7-2-3-X-X-X, and put the call recording system on.
Tring tring...tring tring.."Loudspeaker...put it on..",someone whispered from the back.I followed him.
But, the ring stopped after 10th ring.
"He..he..Hello", I imagined Keshav's expressions had he spoken this in my presence.
"Haaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii", did I? Did I just speak a girl's voice?
Yes!
Everybody laughed like hell!!! But low on voice.I eyed them all, Khatri helped me by asking all of them to shut their mouth.
"Ahem..ya hi..", Keshav trying to be man, pretending not to show up his sweat on phone!
"I'm sooooooooooo sorry Keshav for being late.", I picked the girl's voice more confidently by exaggerating certain words like 'haaaaiiii' and 'sooooooooo'. Well, a school friend of mine, Priyanka taught me that.Not exactly taught but she had this habit of taking certain words a kilometre long by which I estimated that girls probably speak like this.
TO BE CONTINUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED....5
"N..No problem..no problem", he was infact happy that she called up!
"So how are you?", smile persisted on people's faces, I was happy about my work.
"I am good.Exams going on",Keshav gaining confidence.
"Ohh..exaaaams! I fear them sooooo much u know! You must be wanting to study right?Shall I keep the phone down?",I knew Keshav will never ask to keep the phone down.
"No.My preparations are over!",liar!
"Thats good.After all you are an IITian.They study soooo much",everyone says that so I copied it.
"Hey Keshav the warden is coming up."
Rajesh had a problem with the balance.Hence I asked Pratyush to make a girl's noise.I then whispered, "Now!"
Pratyush in girl's voice,"Hey Nikki.. Madam's coming."
"Ok byee.", I wanted a break as it was not my daily's job.
The room burst out with laughter of 12 men. I heaved out a loud sigh of relief and joined them.First step went successful enough.Keshav had fallen into our trap.He could not distinguish between a girl's voice and a fake girl's voice.
"Despo!!!", cried out many.
I had some time to relax and prepare myself for second round.Harsh, in the meanwhile visited Keshav to keep a check that he sticks to his room and do not come roaming to Khatri's room.
"Well, Keshav is having the pleasure of talking to a girl, let him call! ", I said with a smile.Rajesh was definitely happy.
I called him again.
Tring-tring..Hanged up!
"Do you think he will call back?", Akshay mystifying things.Nobody had to give an answer to him but the phone itself.
Suddenly a song(Summer of '69) started to play. I checked out Rajesh's cell, it showed 'Despo Calling...'
TO BE CONTD......6
"Sowrriiieeeeeeeeeee Keshav", how tough it was to exaggerate a word, I wondered how girls did that in routine.
"For what?"
"For hanging up, these hostel management people performed a regular check on us whether we have slept or not."
"Ok.Not a problem, so can we talk further?", asked the greedy Keshav.
"Yea, so tell me more about yourself.You are in IIT. It must be feeling good.", Keshav's chest must have swollen up to an inch more.Finally, he was being rewarded for the hard work he put to get in here.
"Yes.We did an equivalent hard work. So, which college are you in?", I was horror struck.Didn't he know anything about the girl he was talking to?Anyway, that freed me even more as I could make an imaginary Nikita of myself.
"Meee?? D..Daulat Raam, DU"
"Thats nice.I've always had this liking to visit North campus. Tell me something about it", he started dreaming!
"Yes, the best part is we have many colleges here in the neighbourhood, so a sexy crowd here.The subsidised college canteens are favourite time pass places.", I had some idea of North campus as I had visited it twice with friends.Also I had some friends there to tell me about it in general.I ejected all in front of Keshav.
"Hmmm..."
"You walk down the street and you'll find college couples kissing like hell!", I know I was going in the cheaper direction.I was forced from the greedy-of-masala guys present in the room and I also had this urge to make the character of Nikita as seductive as possible.It had two reasons.It'd definitely have added to more fun and also it would show the level of desperation of Keshav.How couldn't he understand the girl wasn't a real girl?Anyway, that made our work easier.Fortunately we found the right guy to play this kind of prank on.
"O really?",Keshav exclaimed rather pleased.
"Yea..I wish I could be one of them.Wish I had a boy friend". Shit..shit..shit..did I just speak that? Keshav will definitely catch me.
"Hehehe..So sweet.Have patience". Phew! He didn't.That opened the gates of sexier talks.
"You know I am crazy about IITians, a big fan!",I got my pace.He didn't say anything.Probably wondering how to suppress his emotions from getting revealed that how happy he was feeling at the moment.I continued,"Tell me something about IIT."
"What do you wanna know?", he asked.There were so many things to tell about.
"Ummm..which branch are you in?", I knew he was pursuing Btech from Engineering Physics, an Engineering branch that was not known to many. People in IIT always used to bully EP students as they didn't have this recognition in common crowd.I got my point again!
"Physics.",probably he thought Physics was more understandable than Engineering physics.
"Oh..So you're not in Btech.Are you like doing Mtech or Msc in Physics?", I know any EP student would have hated that!
"No..no..no", he got some action,but trying to be calm he continued, "It is Engineering Physics.It is a Btech programme but people don't know it."
"Ohhh..I see..That means it is not famous"
"Ummmm..", he was searching words to defend himself because his branch was not as bad as his would-be-girl friend was thinking.
"Didn't you get any other branch?Computers?",I didn't give him opportunity to relax."Civil?", he definitely hated that, I knew it! Civil Engineering in those times used to be just next (in terms of All India Ranks) to EP, that means people preffered EP to Civil.
"Noooooooooooooo...See lemme explain.I indeed did not get Computers, that branch is meant for extreme genius minds.But Civil..",he tried to explain it in detail.
"Ouch!", I made a sudden sharp frequency noise to stop him then and there.Being a student of Civil Engineering I did not want to hear any appraisal of EP, especially when it was compared to Civil.
"What happened?", I was successful.
"Nothing, my roommate pinched me. She's teasing me continously that I am talking to an IITian."
"Ok, whats her name?",now what did he want from her?
"N..Neha! Ok now, can we leave this studies topic?Tell me do you have any girl friend?"
"Noo.!"
"No?"
"Yes..No..I mean I don't have any."
"Thats greeeaaaaaaaaat! Me tooo!", Nikita's free! Go Keshav you've a wonderful opportunity!
"Sounds great."
"Shall we meet somewhere?", everybody looked at me with surprise. Half of them giving a thousand explanations that we don't have a girl to present in front of him.I did not have anything in mind.
"Yeaaa.."
"Ouch!"
"What happened now?"
"Nothing. Can you call me back after 5 min?I need to go to washroom."
"Sure"
"Bye"
"Bye"
"Now, what do you think you'll do?", said Khatri.
"I've thought of ..nothing! We'll work out something.Nevertheless we have had enough fun. I'm having pain in my throat. I can't go too long.", I explained.
"Lets tell him.Finish this up.Lets make his MTV Bakra now! Come on!", said Harsh probably thinking we've had enough of fun and that Keshav might get hurt.
The clock showed 4:00 a.m.
"Wait I've a plan.", Akshay interrupted,"Tell him that you wanna see IIT and that you're coming to IIT.May be Barista or Nescafe."
"What do we do then after calling him?"
"There we will give him surprise.", Akshay completed.
"Wait! Don't go any further.He will get hurt even more.", probably everyone agreed with Harsh.
"Come on yaar", interrupted Abhinav, "Its a college.We are making him mature.Have you had a look at his mentality? And he is lucky that we are doing so much for him on his Birthday.Rarely people get this level of surprise.He is indeed lucky to have such a thing going on just for him.I would like it on my Birthday. I bet after this act he'll turn out to be a different personality.", nobody had anything to say after Abhinav's words.
"Fine, lets do it.Appu, call him.", Akshay decided.
I gave him a 'miss call'.He called back.
"Haaaiiiiii"
"Hai"
"So, where were we?", I asked.
"You were talking about meeting.", he answered.
"Yess..I wish to see IIT. Can I come there?",I asked.
"Yes,why not". After pausing, he said,"Hey Nikita, why're you taking pains? I'll come up to Daulat Ram."
He didn't want to tell his friends about her.I said in offense,"You don't want to show me IIT?Tell me if you don't"
"No, its not that.Ok we can meet up at IIT",he didn't have any choice. These killer emotional dialogues of girls always work!
"Tomorrow at 2 p.m.", I thought we could take lunch and then go.
"Yes, that will be fine for me.I'll have my lunch by then.", he agreed.
"Bye"
"Bye"
"Umm...Take care", girls never missed that!
TO BE CONTD.....7
"Guess what the miser refused to give us treat as he's short of pocket money and he calls Nikita for date!", Akshay pointing out,"lets see where treats her tomorrow.Call him at Barista. We'll have his money out of his pocket."
Everyone headed to Nescafe for coffee.What? It was only 4:00 a.m. We still had 6 hours! Out of those 6 hours we will first spend half an hour gossipping about some stuff other than exams and then get back to studies. Thats how it goes here. The best part is we are never to depressed as we always had enough time until the last minute! So do I decided to do all 11 chapters in those 5 hours left effectively.
You want to know what did I actually do?
Studies for half an hour and then...zzzzzzzzzz..
Woke up at 7 a.m. At such times it was ND-14,the acting temple, where we usually go. Aman Gupta had his lectures for people like me in the last hours. He used to dictate the whole syllabus in story form. We rested on his bed onto one another(as there were as much as 10 people in the room) and left a single seat for Aman.
"Fuck! Its 7", I woke from my girls' dreams. "I must probably rush to Aman, Vaxy is too slow to study from."
I hurried to ND-14 without attending nature's call.Which one was more important? I do not realise why nature calls you much more desperately in exams, even in the examination halls! Probably she used to flunk in her exams too and so does she wants us to fail too, hence wasting our time.
On reaching the education temple I realised there were already 9 of them present and I was the only missing Civil candidate from the room.Anshul, the laziest and the chillest guy was as usual laying down on the bed lazily as much as dead with no expressions(obviously listening to Aman's stories, he was sharp minded though!).
"How much?"
"Just started.", said Pushpak who was as active in exams as he was numb during the whole semester.
"Good", I did not mind standing(room was full) for so worthy lectures which covered 42- one hour lectures of SKG. Such people like Aman were blessings for us!
We heard to his lectures without speaking a word (did we have time?) and grasping maximum possible stuff. His words in exam times are like words showered from God. There can anywhere be a question framed from his words that might lead me to passing grade.
Likewise time passed."What? 9:30? We should be leaving now. 15 min to reach the Sex Hall( we denoted Ex- Hall ( Exhibition Hall) that way)."
"I guess I'll study 5 more min", grasping the maximum possible I also headed to the Ex-Hall taking a resolution that if I crack THIS exam I will definitely study from next semester and will top in all the examinations creating history.Again lost in my thoughts I saw a 6 pointer becoming a 9 pointer all of a sudden and people getting shocked. Alas!So interesting but so unrealistic.
We reached the Ex-Hall, got ourselves seated when SKG shouted at a guy, "What? How could you forget your calculator?Such shameless and careless fellows. Dunno why the Dean of IIT Delhi is so soft to you people.Had I been the Dean, I'd have hanged you up." We admitted he had this extreme desire to become the Dean.
We got ourselves seated encircling Aman hoping for the hopeless cheating.Sushant was more intellectual but he never showed us, probably he was not accustomed to cheating. Vaxy on the other hand had such a small writing such that only Prof and he himself could understand what he had written.Aman was the only hope. We formed a chain promising that we would transfer the answers to each other once we fetch it from Aman's copy.
Somehow the examinations got over. Everyone of us looking at each other. There were certain words that demarcated how did the examination go like "Macha di","Thuk gaya", "Fucked" or "Rape" in the decreasing order of numbers expected. We never had this oppotunity to say "Macha di". AML120 was rated as "Fucked" by me.Whatever it was we used to be happy and laughing after the exams as if we lost all our shame.
Later I realised that I didn't even pass but attained a grade higher than passing grade,i.e., I got 5 out of 10 in the particular course.
TO BE CONTINUED.....8
*First of all I am sorry to all the regular readers of the blog for taking such a huge gap.Sorry!!! *
Contd..
"Hi guys, whats up with Keshav?" Abhay seemed to take interest in the story. "Hey Nikita ! Whats up..where are you meeting him?" He said laughingly, actually more of a smile than a laugh, whatever, I was never able to figure out that he laughs or he smiles-out-loud (Wow! That defines a new lingo for chatting.. SOL.. similar to LOL!). Abhay, a typical maggu but an interesting person when it comes to parties. He laughs at small jokes. I suppose if somebody is taking a course in cracking jokes then he would be the first level to be passed on. The coach would say, "Hey! Come on.. your first test.. make Abhay laugh!"
"Call him at Nescafe." Harsh suggested.
"Ok, I'll call him. Give me your cell Rajesh." I said.
"Helloooooooo"
"H..Hello"
"Your exam.. over?"
"Yes, just got over."
"Nice, then see you at Nescafe. I have a friend, Monika, with me. Actually she's been to IIT, so she guided me."
"Sure..sure.." Keshav said.
"See you at 2. bye"
"Bye"
"Hey guys, whats goin' on?" Was it Keshav's voice? Shit! We were caught! Shit!
"Nothing, discussing about exams, where are you treating us?" I replied just by chance he didn't listen to us.
"Have patience guys. Money problem! Harsh. would you come here for a second?" We were so much laughing on him. What will be his situation when he'd notice his dream girl is the the guy whom he just refused for the treat! He is getting the stuff so hard that he would remember it for life time!
Harsh came back after some time.
"What happened? Did he by any chance came to know that we were behind all this?" Akshay asked.
"I don't think so." He replied.
"Are you sure? Or else he's a got a nice chance of making a bakra of us!" I enquired worriedly.
"No, he called me to ask me if I could come up with him to meet Nikita. Firstly he dictated the whole story..."
"Did you give a false smile?" I enquired if Harsh had runied up everything by his poor acting.
"Not this time! He asked me to come with him as he thinks he's not capable enough to tackle two girls at a time! " Everyone laughed. Keshav didn't know what was coming.
"Also, he asked me for some 1000 bucks as he only had 1000." to this everybody cried out "Thousandddd??"
We didn't know which 1000 were we screaming for, the former or the latter one. Former one for a surprise that he is going to spend so much on Nikita! And the latter because he already had a grand and yet he postponed our treat! We were soo much onto him now!
"Yeah. Hey, I got to go early now. I have to go with him. I'll keep in touch with Apoorv on his cell about your whereabouts and ours too." Harsh briefing up the plan and went back to get a shower.
"Everything all set? Pushpak's cell?" I asked.
"Done"
"Cool, we'll meet after the lunch at 2:30 p.m. at the lounge."
Everyone departed.
TO BE CONTD...9
THE DATE
Place- Lounge, Zanskar Hostel
Time- 2:15 p.m.
Zanskar Hostel, also called as 5 start hotel of IIT, Delhi (until the new hostels come into function ;) ) because of its luxurious and spacious rooms and other facilities. Too perfect for a government hostel.
I waited patiently and nervously with my fellow mates for the final match. People came one by one to accompany me for the date( It was my first date too…with a guy!). I was happiest to see some maggus as exams time is not the time for them to roam about and waste it like this. But I guess the event got much more of importance and attention than I expected. Probably I didn’t expect that the Keshav-Nikita thing will be remembered for years to come. It is valuable enough to be written on the top history charts of Zanskar.
“What are you doing here? Its quarter past 2 ! Whats wrong ?? “ I asked seeing Harsh in the lounge. He, according to the plan, had to be somewhere near Nescafe now.
“Everything’s fine, Keshav’s coming in a couple of minutes. You better not show up yourselves like this as if you’re going to a party.” He replied in haste.
“Keshav!” warned Rajesh who saw Keshav coming from the stairs.
Some people hid behind the wall, some started reading newspapers while the others pretended as if they’ve gathered here, well dressed, just to chit chat. Ever seen a live drama? Here it is! Bad-bad actors!
Keshav’s eyebrow squeezed down a bit but it was our luck that he didn’t prefer coming near to us, probably because we’d start our treat-talks again or may be he didn’t want to take any risk of disclosing Nikita thing to everyone, which by then everybody knew! He rather waved Harsh from the stairs to come. He was looking at his best. An amateur romeo.
Honestly speaking, we all knew how happy he would be. Going on a date, first date, on his birthday. Courtesy to Harsh for informing us that Keshav was happy as well as tensed about how Nikita would look like in reality. He certainly wished she looked good. He was in his dream world. We certainly were bastards in that sense. Poor-poor friends. Ruining our friend’s first date.
“We aren’t ruining it, are we? “ Abhinav winked as he was sure we’re doing a great-great stuff. And after that we never gave it a second thought.
“Let’s do it then!”
“Yeaaaah!” everybody cried and moved on to take on Keshav, poor Keshav.
TO BE CONTD..10
We marched towards Nescafe, everyone hoping for a treat as well a surprise to Keshav, you’d not be wrong if you use the word trauma.
“Feel nahin aa rahi hai.. we’d just give him a surprise and finish?” Akshay said thoughtfully, “It’s too early, that’s not the way we’d want it to be remembered.” I agreed with him.
“Ok then, let’s have some more fun out of him.” I was sure I had to do more stuff. What? I didn’t know. The whole night made me confident enough to play a sponty (another IITD lingo meaning spontaneously made).
“What are we doing?” Akshay asked blankly.
“Don’t know, we’ll see it later.” I watched Keshav and Harsh sitting in a round table in Nescafe. “Guys!!” I called up everyone, “ It’s Rajesh’s birthday today. We’re going on his treat.” I tried to narrate my plan.
“What?” Rajesh cried out, “ Are you mad?”
“Dude, just let it be. We want some more fun and for that we got to have a reason for going to Nescafe all together well dressed. Let’s call it Rajesh’s birthday and earn our passes to enter into Nescafe and sit besides Keshav when he’s desperately waiting for Nikita. The girl about he didn’t tell to anyone. Just imagine how embarrassed will he be.”
“Keshav ki kitni fat jayegi jab use pata chalega ki Nikita is coming in 2 minutes and his hostel friends are here.” Akshay’s glistering eyes showed he saw the future.
“Yes. So guys please do as I said. And don’t fight for sponsors there for your coffee. Someone, please pay to it and later we’ll get it out of Keshav’s pocket.” I knew we were such a high level misers!
“After all he’s got 2 grands!” Yes, that was indeed true. My my! I never knew those were the golden moments. We enjoyed every bit of it!
Harsh was told of the extended plan, to which he replied “ No, don’t play with my money! Keshav has my one thousand bucks. He’ll never return it.”
I pressed ‘Delete’.
TO BE CONTINUED….11
What a day it’s gonna be, I thought. We entered into Nesci area when we first intentionally snubbed their presence and marched towards the counter.
At first I and Akshay went to his table, “Hi Keshav!”
You could tell it from his face how much shocked he was. The biggest shock ever he’d have faced in his life till now (Hold on guys, we’ve more to go! Records are yet to be broken!)
“Tum kya kar rahe ho yaha pe?” Keshav looked towards Harsh if he had disclosed it all to us, to which Harsh nodded blankly.
“We came up for Rajesh’s birthday. He’s giving us a treat, unlike you.” Akshay said. Keshav didn’t at all mind about the treat thing. He had more to worry about. He looked around and saw 20 odd people standing just behind him near the counter. WTF! He’s gone. He’s gone big time. The clock showed 2:47p.m. Nikita would be here any minute from now. And these bastards ( Us!) are not going to take any less than 15-20 minutes. He’d definitely be caught. Caught in front of his whole hostel. He’d be popular, in a negative sense, in whole of the hostel or may be institute as silly masala = hot talks for us. Above all it was a blind date. He didn’t know how she was, who she was, where did she belong, he just dated her because she wanted to date him. What a silly boy! People would criticise him and laugh at him. And suppose, Nikita came out to be a below standard girl, then? The colour on his face changed rapidly, beating a chameleon.
“Why are you behaving so weirdly.” Akshay said, “ Why are you here?” I didn’t want Keshav to surrender and disclose the secret so early (kyuki pichchar abhi baaki hai mere dost!) so I tried to fool around a bit, “Anyway, we’ll join you. Would you mind?”
“Umm..no.” Keshav said thoughtfully as if he’s going to have a date with a girl in front of his 20 odd friends, thus making Nikita sad as well as when his friends will come to know they’d also not like about the treat he avoided. He was gone both ways. First year, rather first semester, in IIT and he’s landed himself into such a big mess.
“Very well, GUYS!!” I cried out, “Join our friends HERE.” I pointed to Keshav’s table.
“2 more coffees… for them.” Akshay leaves no chance of taunting, as I said, and we giggled.
We ordered for a coffee and a maggi each. We ate when we were chatting, all of us on one table. Some sitting arounf Keshav and Hars, while the others standing as if our main target was Keshav.
“So Keshav, why are you here?”
“I’m meeting a friend of mine.” Keshav said while Harsh nodded in agreement just to show Keshav that he has someone with him, his own.
TO BE CONTD… 12
“Friend, who’s HE?” People are not going to leave him. This must be his life’s toughest interview.
“It’s She. Nikita and a friend of Harsh’s also coming, Monika.” LOL. Harsh was also dragged. But we knew Keshav had to be concentrated,” OOOOOHHHH… NIKITA!” Some looked towards me. It was so much fun.
“Yeah.. Monkia too.” Keshav couldn’t gather feelings to blush. He was tensed instead. He tried to dilute the topic by shifting a bit of focus to Harsh but it didn’t. “That’s ok. She might be another fan of Harsh’s writing. But where did you find HER…Nikita.” Keshav was all trapped. We had all out of him. Now, it was the time to disclose, to give him surprise, to give him the trauma which he’d remember all his life. Akshay and Harsh eyed me indicating that we should do IT now. We should give him his share of love from us. I agreed with them when I eyed some of them to come with me.
We went to the counter and discussed some stuff. As I said and as SRK says, pichchar abhi baaki hai mere dost! Yes, you’re right. It wasn’t over! It struck to us that it’s been 3:00 p.m. and Nikita didn’t yet arrive. Nikita, our main card. We could still have more out of her. Khatri took our words back to the rest of the crowd sitting on Keshav’s table that we’re not done yet! And that Nikita is coming, and they just needed to follow Keshav wherever he goes, just to make sure that he’s never relieved that he’s going to meet Nikita alone. We all would accompany him to meet his date.
While the others sat there some stayed with me to record the talks as Nikita and obviously to guide me what to do next.
I called up Keshav from Rajesh’s cell, “Hellloooooooooo”
“H..Hi” Keshav stood up from the table to talk to her privately and hence get a privacy, also, may be he gets to escape from there. To his surprise, his friends were behaving indecently. They followed him wherever he went to talk to her.
“Hi..Nikita” Keshav emphasised on the word Nikita telling his friends that they got to give him a little privacy. Did they? No! Such shameless friends we have! Keshav gave up and started talking to her in front of them. He understood that he can’t have the least hope to meet her in private.
“Where are youuuuu?” Nikita asked (As if she didn’t know!)
“Nescafe. Where are you and when are you coming?”
“ Sorry but we were caught in traffic jam.”
“It’s ok, where are you?” He was afraid if she’s reached.
“Why are you so restless, have patience boy!” Nikita turned out to be a cheeky woman!
“Nothing’s wrong.” Keshav in his own tone.
“Wrong? Why would anything be wrong?” I loved playing with him and his patience.
“Nothing. Nikita, will you please tell me where are you and when you’ll come?”
“ I was .. I came here 15 minutes ago, was overwhelmed with IIT campus’ looks that I and Monika were roaming around.” Nikita tried to make Keshav jealous. He was already tensed and icing on the cake she was roaming around without him! What a day, Keshav must have thought.He betrays his friends due to a girl who didn’t care enough to ask Keshav if he wants to roam around too?
“You’d have asked me I’d have come along with you too.”
“But Monika has been there quite a few times. So why need you?” She was really really cheeky! “Hey.. you have seen SBI?”
“Yes, I have seen SBI.” As if somebody asked a person, “Hey, have you seen the safe at your home?”
“Come over there. See you there.Bye” Nikita loved making Keshav wait.
“But..Nikita..” Keshav realised Nikita had hung up.
“Chalen Bhabhiji se milne?? …. SBI ! “ People out there said unanimously.
TO BE CONTD… 13
They all left for SBI. I along with a couple of friends stayed back to have some more coffee! After some time it appeared on Rajesh’s cell “ Despo calling…”
“This is it. This is the last call. Put the recording system on.” I knew this was it. We were going to give him the surprise, rather shock in the most wicked manner we could. I picked up his call to end it finally.
“Hiiiiiiii..”
“Hi, where are you?” Keshav was surrounded by his friends, listening to his talk with their hypothetical bhabhiji.
“Coming in 2 minutes.”
“Ok.”
I had to keep Keshav on phone while I walked down to Keshav to SBI, “Hey, I have heard of the insti roof of IIT, delhi. It’s so famous. I always wanted to be there.” I knew the outsiders, who have read Chetan Bhagat’s Five pint Someone, had the desire to look what’s special in the insti roof of IIT-D, how does it feel to be there.
“Yeah, it’s above the 7th floor of the insti building.”
“O really? 7th floor!” We approached towards Keshav. People standing around Keshav helped us by covering him from behind so that he could not see us coming from one side.
“Yes. Don’t worry we’ll go up there once you come.”
“Will you ? Will you show me? Am I allowed?” I didn’t have anything else to talk! Believe me! I was so desperate to go to him and reveal it all up.
“You aren’t, officially. But I’ll take you there.”
“So nice of you Keshoo.” The tone changed. Everybody started smiling seeing me behind Keshav and talking to Keshav on phone as Nikita. Wide smiles, which were slowly converting into laughs. Before that I had to do it.
Now Keshav looking towards insti building. I was standing just behind him. He couldn’t even listen to the distinct voice of me which came from behind as he must have been usy hearing Nikita on phone.
“Keshoo.. how sweet.” He was aroused. Definitely!
“Keshav, I have come.”
“Where are you?”
“Can’t you see me?”
“No..” He looked around. Nobody was there. He suddenly turned to his back. By then I had dropped the cell down from my ears. He definitely saw me, but he didn’t see any Nikita !
“Look properly Keshav. I can see you.” His heart beats must have multiplied on each second passed.
“I can’t. Where are you?”
“I’m standing very near to you.” Why was she killing him ?
He looked around properly, “Nikita, please bata do kaha ho.”
I placed my right hand on his right shoulder from behind, “Turn around Keshav.”
He turned around. He saw no one but me. He couldn’t understand. He saw I was holding a cell in my left hand and I said, “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Keshooooooo”
Everybody laughed out loud. Really loud, so that the passersby came to know there’s something going on. He didn’t react for a moment then uttered, ”WHAT THE FUCK!” so loudly that he forgot he’s standing in the institute.
TO BE CONTINUED… 14
We presumed he understood the simple-to-understand basics that all this while, from last night the afternoon, the Nikita was me. And the real Nikita didn’t exist in the whole plan. But later when we took Keshav to Nescafe again to do justice to 2000 bucks in his pocket we came to know that he didn’t understand those simple basics. Instead, he applied his extraordinary mind to conclude that the real Nikita was there till last night’s talk. But, somehow we came to know about it and we took over it the next day by mimicking Nikita’s voice.
He took a seat on the Nesci seat, his mouth a little open, his eyes lost somewhere in the other world, his face all red such that you could not make out whether he’s going to shout at you for what had been done to him or whether he’s going to feel ashamed and sad. Everybody surrounded him but nobody sat. We were laughing our hearts out. Recalling the whole story, every small dialogue which was funny or showed Keshav’s desperation. He didn’t listen to our talks, was lost in his world, may be recalling how and when he was fooled. After a long break he uttered, “ But how come you knew I had a talk with Nikita last night?”
“Whattttttttt?” Some people who were fast enough shouted.
That hinted us he didn’t get the real thing. He was then explained how he was fooled from the starting. How Harsh gave us the idea of Nikita. How we were lucky in trying the prank on such a perfect person who hasn’t had many talks with girls on phone in his past. How we enjoyed watching him standing on the balcony outside his room talking romantic stuff with Nikita, which by chance everybody heard. How much desperate he sounded in his talks. How he made excuses of not giving treat in time. And last but not the least, how the hypothetical Monika became Harsh’s friend. We laughed at every bit of talk.
We realised a bit later that Keshav didn’t absorb the things as we expected. After sometime we realised this whole trauma was hard to absorb for him. He couldn’t accept its truth till at least two hours from then. He kept on asking questions to confirm if we’re not fooling with him again that all this while it was the fake Nikita flirting with him. The fact was that he accepted the truth but he couldn’t absorb the fact how he was fooled and how his dream girl was actually a guy. It was then when we realised that we did a little overdose in fun.
After the 2nd treat (formal one!) by Keshav we headed back to hostel when Abhinav and I decided to give him another surprise. You must be thinking “Noo! Not another one. The poor kid has already had much of it.” Don’t worry, it was kind of pleasant surprise and kind of which frequently happens in girls’ hostels. Yeah, we brought a nice Black forest cake for him, to celebrate in the night as a surprise party for him. You see, it’s kind of very usual and must-to-do in girls’ hostels. If you’re a girl and you’ve a birthday tomorrow then at midnight you can definitely expect a cake and lots of tooth paste, etc as if you’re not being wished for birthday, instead it’s your special Holi. And still when you see the cake(remember you’re a girl!), you look towards it as if it’s the greatest surprise given to you and you say, “Awwwww!! So lovely! So nice of you to give me this surprise(As if she didn’t know she’s going to be honoured like this!)” as if you’re been given a Miss Universe tag. Apparently, every girl gets a Miss Universe prize in a year. Girls… so weird creatures! They’re so different that you would like to do more and more research on them, just to find that they’re altogether a surprise the next day!
The nice treatment with Keshav went on well. Now, definitely a boy can’t expect his friends to bring a cake. If they’re bringing then it means either something serious has happened and to nullify the thing you’re doing all this (which is the case here ;-) ) or there’s a huge desire to display affection. I guess, displaying affection is the only thing we’re behind girls.
Keshav was happy. I must say he is a cool chap. Later on he went on very well because of which we got our tickets to tease him in the name of Nikita, he never minded. This was the story of my friend Keshav, who has now become much more smart (at least can’t be easily fooled) than he was in first year. I’m not sure whether he talked to the real Nikita after that or not, but she certainly was not his date ever. That way the Keshav-Nikita tale ended.
EPILOGUE
Later on this telephone prank became a much wanted game for us, rather a nice time pass. Personally I also enjoyed by exploring that I had something creative in me (LOL!). So we again started pranks of the similar kind only to discover that nobody else got fooled by my fake girl’s voice. We then realised that it wasn’t me who had this talent of mimicking a girl’s voice instead it was Keshav who got fooled. Then we shifted our focus from girl’s voice to an RJ’s voice! I literally changed my voice to exhibit a sexy voice of an RJ. One of the 6 successful conversations went on like this..
“Hello is that Nishant?”
“Yes..”
“Hi.. RJ Nitin speaking from 93.5 FM. Congratulations! You’re live on Radio.” Then I kind of played sponty, different each time, like we’re playing a game with random Idea customers, etc.
“So, you have a song to play for your girl friend.. What’s her name and what would the song be?” RJ said.
“Esha is the name and the song is..”
Every talk ended like this. It was fun. More because it involved sponty. Many a times the person on the other side doubted whether it’s a prank being played, then I said anything and everything to make him believe that I was real RJ. Many times I called over smart people who caught my fake voice within a couple of seconds. Fun times, they were!
Thanks for lending me your time. Your comments about the blog, whether you liked it or not, whether you found the amateur writing fine enough, any suggestions for improvement, are welcome.
